I woke up this morning troubled by yesterday’s failures. In fact, I spent most of the night last night, trying to drown out the voice of my inner slave driver who incessantly told me that I’m still the same and that I might as well give it up. More confessions: The truth is that I wasn’t primarily troubled this morning about my sin before God. Yes, of course, there was that, but I was mostly concerned about my reputation before others. The question, “Why did I say that?” led as it always does to, “I might as well give up.” It was this refrain that had repeated in my head all night long. “Nothing ever changes. Everything will always be the same. You’re no different now then you were decades ago…Just give up.”
Of course, I knew that the ways that I had sinned by not loving my neighbor, by trying to impress others, was ultimately tied to the gospel but I was having trouble getting there. The first impulse of my heart was to “get my act together.” I determined what I needed to do to demonstrate that I really was going to be different today. Honestly, I wasn’t drawn to prayer and Bible reading. I felt agitated and was drawn to list making. But God in His kindness inclined my heart to start my day back where I needed to. In my reading through Romans, this was my portion for the day; this was how God spoke to me:
In hope he believed against hope, that he should become the father of many nations, as he had been told, "So shall your offspring be." He did not weaken in faith when he considered his own body, which was as good as dead (since he was about a hundred years old), or when he considered the barrenness of Sarah's womb. No distrust made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised. That is why his faith was "counted to him as righteousness" (Rom 4:18-22 ESV).
God made a promise to Abraham that he would become the father of many nations, that his children would number as many as the stars in the heavens. The promise had been given twenty-five years before but still he had no children. He considered his own body and the barrenness of Sarah’s womb – their inability to fulfill their part of God’s promise should have crushed his faith. But Paul tells us that he “grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God.”
I know that you’re familiar with this story and that you know that its ultimate fulfillment is in the promised Messiah. But this morning this story spoke to my heart in this way: I could look at the weakness and barrenness of my life. Those were, indeed, true realities. In response, I could get out my list, my sticky-notes, and devise ways of feeling better about myself. To switch back to our patriarch’s story, I could go visit Hagar. Or I could give glory to God knowing that even though I am still so very weak, so very barren of true love for my neighbor, God had already promised me that I would be fruitful and that my life would somehow count. How? Only through faith in the righteousness of another. It was in this process of rehearsing God’s promises to me, of giving Him glory for His wonderful mercy, grace and kindness, that my heart was changed and I walked out into faith again.
Every morning…every moment of every day…I have a choice to make. I can trust in my heart’s default position: Work it out, work harder, prove I’m better, show that I do love my neighbor, engage with Hagar and my sticky-notes. Or, I can rest in His promise that even though I look at myself and realize that for me it’s been nearly forty years since I first believed the promise, the One who is able to speak into existence things that don’t exist, has declared that I am righteous now and that this faith is enough now. It must be enough or I can’t breathe. That was the choice for me today and it’s the choice we all face every day.
Don’t get nervous. I’m not saying that now I’ll cavalierly spend my day being rude and popping bon-bons. No, this transformation means that I have faith to fight the war again – this time with a smile. I have the courage to get up again and seek to love my neighbor and love my Father because I know that for Him…it’s enough. My belief in His grace is enough for Him. May it be enough for me today, Lord.
The workers were an hour and a half late arriving at my home. Now that they had finally come, I struggled to get my dogs outside, necessitating my dragging them out of the house by their collars. I had been working on an article on my laptop in the kitchen, getting ready to eat lunch and I now, too, needed to get out of the way. So I decided to stack a plate, a boxed salad, two phones and a nice big cup of coffee on a tray and try to navigate my way out the sliding door onto my patio. Strange thing, though…that tray? It was actually the keyboard of my laptop. I’m sure you can guess what happened next. The coffee went flying and my computer fried.
I confess that I had been impatient with the tardy workers and stubborn dogs. I responded to this situation in a sinfully foolish manner. While I was cleaning up the mess, I knew a fried computer was what I deserved. I hadn’t loved my neighbor nor the Lord as I should have. I had quickly fallen into self-righteousness and pride: “I’m never late!” “These dogs should obey!” “Stacking all this stuff on my computer might be foolish for some people, but I can handle it!” A fried computer was undoubtedly what I had earned.
Don’t misunderstand. As I walked through the next few hours and the real possibility of having ruined my computer, I didn’t question whether God had stopped loving me. I thought that He was lovingly using my sin to teach me a lesson. I knew that I deserved a slap on the hand and I thought He had given me one. It was time for me to pay the price for my sin – not the ultimate price, of course, no, not the atonement. Just a little hand slapping from a loving God who knew what I needed.
But then, something amazing happened. I received unexpected news of answered prayer. I was delighted and stunned. I had assumed that this day would be a day of hand slapping. I thought I knew what I needed: a lesson about the follies of impatience and pride. But this surprising answered prayer wasn’t a slap. No, it was a kiss on the cheek. And then, the next morning…another kiss. My computer was limping back to life. I didn’t lose all my data. What did I deserve? A slap. What did I get? A kiss.
For most of my Christian life I would have been very comfortable with saying that the Lord disciplines me for my sin (a slap on the hand), but would have struggled terribly with thinking the Lord blesses me in the face of my sin (a kiss on the cheek). Is there room in our very-serious-about-the-sinfulness-of-sin theology to say that sometimes, (many times?), the Lord woos us into obedience through kisses rather than slaps?
Although I know and love the gospel, I frequently find myself functioning in that quid-pro-quo, “God as Vending Machine,” world. I fight sin and fulfill my spiritual duties and expect God’s blessing or at least protection from fried computers. Conversely, when I don’t fight sin or when I neglect prayer, I assume God will discipline me. Don’t misunderstand -- I recognize that both blessings and discipline are functions of His Fatherly love for me. It’s just that I think I know how He should motivate me to obey. But He uses both slaps and kisses.
Now, here’s where the gospel turns everything we know about how we grow in obedience on its head. It speaks of kisses of betrayal given to our Faithful Friend (Luke 22:48). It tells me that He was slapped for me and punished for my rebellion. I read that “…the guards received Him with blows” (Mark 14:6). He got kisses and slaps…for me. And because He has endured all that, He’s free to bless me and woo me and speak tenderly to me and surprise me with little kisses on the cheek when I least expect it..when I’m expecting the slap. His kindness is meant to lead me to repentance. His kisses draw me near. And now, instead of thinking about my guilt and punishment, I’m spending my day thinking of His kindness and it frees me to love him in return.
Am I saying that’s all He ever does? No, of course not. Discipline, as Hebrews tells us, is painful rather than pleasant. But, then again, haven’t there been times when you know you deserve a slap and suddenly He dazzles you with a sweet kiss on the cheek? Is there room in our theology for a God who kisses His dear foolish children and draws them with cords of love? Do we really believe that it is the “grace of God” that saves us and trains us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions and makes us zealous for good works? (Titus 2:11-14)
I live in Southern California and now that it’s summer, a familiar problem has returned. The problem is immodesty and now that the temperature is rising, the problem is becoming more and more obvious…again. But summer or not, modesty has been a topic of concern for me during my whole life. For instance, back in the days when I was in Catholic school, modesty was demanded. At any point during the day a nun could check to see if I was obeying the rules about skirt length. I had to kneel on the floor and if my skirt didn’t touch the ground, I was given demerits. (Of course, as soon as the nun turned the corner, we all hiked up our skirts again!)
Taking a cue from my parochial education, perhaps now that it is summer, I’m tempted to think that we should install immodesty checkpoints at the doors of the sanctuary. Perhaps we should make up rules about inappropriate clothing and station a deaconess or two at the doors to be sure that the rules are being enforced…better also station one ‘around the corner’ for when the young girls hike their skirts up again!
On the other hand, perhaps we should just ignore the whole immodesty problem all together because after all, “God looks on the heart…” And our pastors and brothers will just have to learn to look only at a woman’s face.
Rules? No rules? Is there a better way? Is it found in the gospel?
Hebrews 4:15 informs me that my Savior has been tempted in “every respect” as I have, yet without sin. Could this possibly mean that Jesus was tempted to immodesty but didn’t sin? Because we don’t usually think in these terms about Jesus, perhaps at this juncture it might be helpful for me to define what I mean by “modesty.” Christian modesty is simply a refusal to show off out of love for God and one’s neighbor. Jesus refused to show off His power. For instance, when tempted by Satan, He refused to show off His ability to turn stones into bread or cast Himself off a high tower (Matt 4:1f). When attacked by His accusers, He “opened not His mouth” (Isa 53:7). When facing the humiliation and excruciating pain of the cross, He refrained from appealing to His Father for legions of angels who were waiting to bring Him deliverance (Matt 26:53). Jesus didn’t show off His power or authority because He loved His neighbor, His bride. Jesus was modest because He loved the church.
Conversely, immodesty flows out of the heart of a show off. Maybe we’ve worked hard at the gym or purchased an expensive new pair of jeans. Maybe we want to prove how free we are to dress in any way we choose, no matter how scandalous. When we show-off we’re failing to love our brother (and sisters) who may be tempted to lust or covetousness or sinful imitation. Showing off is a fruit of pride and love of self. Immodesty demonstrates a cold unconcern for the church.
The beauty of the gospel, however, is that it informs us about who we are and what Jesus has already done. While it convicts us that we’re all unloving show-offs (in some way), it also assures us that we’ve been loved and that we no longer need to show off to get other people’s approval because (here’s the best news of all!) the record of our Modest Redeemer is ours! Our identity isn’t wrapped up in the approval or envy or lust of others. Our identity is found in Christ’s life, death and resurrection. Christ is our life. He loved us and refrained from showing off so that we could be His and freed from the need to prove that we’ve got a great body or wardrobe or…because we’ve been lavished with His love instead.
Of course, in this promiscuous culture women (and men) might need to be taught what modest attire looks like and there’s nothing wrong with doing so. It’s just that the transforming power that changes a show off into a servant doesn’t come from rules about blouses or skirts. It comes from remembering the gospel and seeking to show Him off instead. So, let’s spend this summer talking about modesty…mostly His.